How To Chat With Someone You Like
May 10, 2023
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Chatting to the bottom of your heart requires skills! Do you know why? Because dialogue is not only about one-sided transmission of information, but also the desire to continue the conversation, so that each other can feel comfortable with each other. How to communicate so that the other party is willing to continue talking?
There are two levels of communication
If you want to improve your communication skills, you must first understand the two levels of communication
There are two levels in all kinds of communication, one is the content (message) level, and the other is the relationship establishment and maintenance level. Any communication has the function of conveying information, and it also has the function of influencing the relationship between the communicating parties.
For example, a friend asks: "Shall we go to the movies tomorrow?" On the level of content, it conveys a tentative inquiry of "Would you like to watch a movie?" On the level of relationship, it mentions "I and you are so close." We can go to the movies together.
If you haven’t known this friend for a long time and haven’t seen a movie together, then the sentence “Would you like to go to the movies?” In addition to the tentative inquiry of “inviting to watch a movie”, it may also include “I want to go to the movies.” I will become a relationship with you to go to the movies together", I hope that the relationship between the two parties will develop further.
The key to communication skills is to understand the two levels of communication and to properly coordinate the two. In relationships, most conflict stems from two levels of communication that are not properly coordinated.
Much of the conflict in interpersonal relationships stems from a dissonance between these two levels. Even if it is the same sentence, when it is said, how it is said, and how it is said, it will affect how both parties feel about the relationship. In order to minimize conflict, we must constantly think about what our words might mean in our relationship with the other person, in addition to the content or message of our own words.
"If you are free, would you like to have a cup of tea with me?"
Anyone who has ever used this clichéd approach will probably know that the chances of starting a conversation in this way are very low. In the early stages of a relationship, this opening is a very ineffective communication.
Why? Because the message level (“Let’s talk together!”) and the reference to the relationship (“We are strangers to each other”) conflict with each other. In other words, this opening part mentions our relationship as strangers to each other, but at the same time proposes to have a cup of tea together. There is no coherence between the mention of the relationship and the message. The other party who receives this kind of invitation cannot say "Okay, let's have a cup of tea together" in response, even if he has some feelings in his heart, and cannot readily agree to the other party.
So, what does an effective strike-up opening look like? First, think about how to refer to relationships. If the person you want to have a cup of tea with is a potential customer, you must first create a sense of trust in the other party and confirm the social connection between the two parties. In other words, you must first try to prove that the two parties are a trustworthy relationship.
However, if the purpose is to get closer to the other party (most of the purpose of striking up a conversation is to establish an intimate relationship), it is best to use words that will be used in an intimate relationship.
That is to say, don't directly put out the fact that "we don't know each other", but ask each other like a dialogue between friends, "What did you have for lunch today?" If the dialogue continues, "I ate fried noodles?" , "Really? I ate fried noodles." It's a success.
Once we start a conversation that only friends have, our brains naturally develop a sense of intimacy with the person we are talking to. An even better way is to start the conversation with experiences you both have. Living in the era of advanced information, even people who meet for the first time will have many common topics with each other, such as news, movies, serials, music, sports and so on.
When communicating, don't keep looking at each other directly, and don't keep looking at each other directly. Good eye contact is essential. At the same time, avoid frequent use of mobile phones. Using BP Smartwatch can effectively reduce the frequency of your mobile phone use.